Leaving and Going

A strange thing happened to me the other night. I had gotten home at one in the morning after having watched IRON MAN. I decided to turn on the phone to check my messages. There were two.

The first was CJ. My closest friend and brother from my college years. He was merely saying hi with his typically happy excited way. I don't know CJ knows that I'll be down there for good on Tuesday of next week, but the timing of the call seemed a clue that he knew I was coming soon. I cannot say enough how excited I am to see, pray with, do Bible study with, and talk to CJ.

The second was from Brian. Brian has been my closest relationship at the church that I worked at while in Portland OR. He and I had just said our last good byes after having finished watching Iron Man. The good bye was not good enough for him and he left a long emotional message that described all that He thinks that God is doing with me an Virginia. It was a moment sheer sadness for me. It sucks that I have to leave Brian. I do not want to leave him. He has been close to me in many hard times.

As I was lying in bed, I began to think about what had just happened on my phone. Sheer joy and sadness had left me emotionally shocked. Part of it is the similarities that these two dear brothers have had in my life. Both would consider me a mentor and close friend. Both are musically inclined and have ministered to me through music. Both have been my closest confidents at times. I was able to walk with both through their own difficulties. Both are inquisitive about the Bible. I have done ministry with both. Both love to pray. Both are dreamers and visionaries who think and come up with ministries and ideas that have fed my passion. Both are people who desire to fully serve in the kingdom of God. Both would be the first people I would call if I ever were to start a church or ministry.

Kind of strange that they would be on my phone at the same time. It got me thinking, will these two dearest brothers ever meet? If they did I imagine that I would be like a giddy school boy at their meeting. However, I don't know that they will meet. I don't think they will. But who knows other than the Lord.

Which comes to the emotional issue for me, how do I say good bye and hello at the same time? Is it even possible? I am in the process of leaving the most constant and powerful relationships I've had over the course of three year time at seminary. I am headed to a place where I have friends who desire to reconnect, do ministry together, and be a part of my life.

Sadness and Joy. Despair and hope. "I will miss you" and "I can't wait to see you." Good bye and hello. Sent away and Sent to. Loved and loved.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that my confused emotional state maybe a blessing. I am standing on my last days in a place that I never wanted to leave. The time ends, the chapter end, but I don't desire to leave. At the same time I am going to place that I hoped that I would go. A chapter begins with all its joy and excitement.

I know that many of you are in transition. You maybe leaving and going
May your feelings be like mine.

May your friends and brothers be the hardest people to leave.
May leaving always be hard with no good way to deal with it.
May you never quite know what to say when you leaving because no word is good enough.
May all you good byes be hard and none of them easy

May the place that your going be home in the truest sense
May long lost friends seek your presence and desire your relationship
May excitement, joy, bewilderment, and fear met with courage all be expereinced
May you have so many people to connect with that there is no way to acutally do it.

May God lead each of your steps so that you know the tears of leaving the disciples and the joys of returning to the Father.

Good bye Brian. Hello CJ.